Flora Kung

Flora Kung! To be honest, I don't have much of a response to Flora Kung's clothes--they're simply not my thing. But I kind of love her models, all of whom look bleary-eyed and rumpled and blowsy, like they had far too much fun the night before stumbling into the studio to pose for a few photos. 

I am not very Flora Kung, but I appreciate those who are.

Bill Blass

"What I like and don't like so much in Bill Blass."

My likes.

He designs a lot of gorgeous evening gowns.

My dislikes.

He's so damn judgmental.

Jag

Utterly terrifying (which I presume was the intention), amplified by the way my half-assed scanning job has weirdly shortened her torso. 

Hard to tell much about the clothes, really, but the claws are a pretty awesome touch.

Charlie by Revlon

We've got a Charlie Girl!

If you can get past the condescension inherent in referring to grown-ass women as "girls", there's much to appreciate about Revlon's entire long-running feminist-friendly Charlie Girl campaign. A lot of words have been written already on the subject of Charlie Girls, so instead of adding too many more of my own, I'm going to point you in the direction of this brainy paper from Providence College: "A Fragrance to Empower Women: The History of “Charlie.”

Also, I really like her necktie. It's snazzy.

Jovan Florals

Jovan, I like the way your mind works.

Jhane Barnes

Another awesome short haircut. 

I don't love the baggy shapelessness of the suit, but the aggressive masculinity of it contrasts beautifully with her gorgeous face and hair, and it goes well with the gigantic earrings (are those stylized anarchy symbols, or upside-down Vuarnet logos? This was 1985, so, y'know, either would've been a perfectly acceptable political statement).

Hanes

Pop quiz:

Which accomplishment should bring this lady more of a sense of pride?:

a) Her horse just won this GINORMOUS GOLDEN TROPHY.
b) Some dude thinks her legs look nice in pantyhose.

Sergio Valente

In a purely practical sense, there's nothing very attractive about these jeans. They're high-waisted, which always has that unfortunate torso-shortening effect, and they're puffy and shapeless around the hips, and it's probably a good thing the photo is cropped at the mid-thigh level so we can't really see what sort of nitwittery is taking place with the bands of striped fabric.

But damn, those models both look so smoldering and attractive that I kind of want a pair of Sergio Valentes for myself, just so I could be cool enough to hang out with them.

Calvin Klein Hosiery

Props to Calvin Klein for doing his damnedest to make pantyhose look sexy and cool and provocative.

Fighting a losing battle, Calvin, but the effort is appreciated.

Eileen West

She's so fresh-faced and lovely that I really, really want to like this look. But... it's a billowing purple double-breasted plaid drop-waisted dress with puffy princess sleeves. I can't even.

Perry Ellis

Awesome short haircut? Check.

Super-broad shoulders? Check.

Obviously, this gets a thumbs-up from me. Bonus points for wearing eight million thick layers (gloves, even!) on what looks like a bright summer day at the ocean.

Mulberry Street

North Beach Leather

A salute to the surprising versatility of electric blue leather. Everything from business suits to evening gowns to jumpsuits to... I actually don't know what some of these outfits are, but they're all pretty fab. Bravo.

I'm willfully ignoring the matching blue nylons.

Laura Biagiotti

"Cashmere jumpsuiting."

"Cashmere jumpsuiting."

...

I don't really have to add anything to that, right?

Callaghan

I love this outfit -- and this model -- more than any of you will ever know. I'll try to explain:

1. Awesome short haircut.
2. Bulky, broad-shouldered silhouette that makes no attempt to be body-conscious.
3. Coat hem that kicks out like a superhero cape.
4. Posture. The hands-in-pockets nonchalance. She radiates power.

She looks like she's in the process of taking over the world. More women should dress like futuristic global tyrants. Love, love, love.

St. Gillian

Smocks for hyper-efficient cyborgs working at the clone nursery.

Alma

Spelunking, anyone?

Criscione

I can't tell -- are those pants? They're pants, right? Is that center outfit a jumpsuit? A wide-legged satin jumpsuit with a shiny snakeskin-patterned top?

If so, I'm so on board with this whole look, it's not even funny.

Tenax haircare

Egad.

It looks like he's gearing up to rip her head right off.

Swimsuits, Part Two

The suits are fine, but really, the charm mostly lies with the poses.

Swimsuits, Part One

Vive la France!

Fantastic. Love the draped neckline. Flattering and stylish.

"When there's nothing inside but you." Honest to God, I have no idea what that means.

Pantene

Let's be clear about this: "Your hair isn't dead. It's just hungry" is an utterly terrifying advertising slogan.

Calvin Klein Jeans

At first (and second) glance, I thought she had a tree branch jammed into the severed stump of her right arm. Stuff of nightmares, Calvin.

Scoundrel by Revlon

Joan, you had me at "magnum of champagne."

Spray Shield

So... apparently this is a thing?

Brittania Jeans

Tight at the waist and ankle, baggy everywhere else, plenty of weird seams and unnecessary snaps. Excellent.

Flame Glo Eye Expressions

Some of America's best make-up artists think you can never slather on too much blush.

La Matta leather

Winner of Awesome Short Haircut of the week. She's gorgeous.

I have no business telling women, or anyone, how to wear their hair. Cut your hair however you like; style it however you feel comfortable. But if just one woman reads this blog and is sufficiently inspired to consider a short, awesome haircut for herself, then my work here is done.

L'Eggs pantyhose

Not to denigrate anyone's legs (or L'eggs, as the case may be), but you know what also stops traffic? Parking in the middle of the damn road.

Laughter by Yardley

She's barely smiling, Yardley. She's a long way from laughing.

Bass Weejuns

The shoes are a ten. Reconsider the white socks.